a little bit of a brain dump

I wish for you, for myself, for the new-to-you person you pass by today an extra smile. An acknowledgment that because we are here on this Earth together, living this life, we are entitled to peace, joy, safety, and a knowledge that we are so completely loved we are NEVER alone no matter what is thrown into our paths to aide us in believing otherwise. I am tired of people hurting one another, of selfishness, of the idea that we are either above or below another person. I have yet to meet another living thing that isn't interested in love. I've heard of people that act that way, but there is no room for that in my world. If you are interested in hurting me for whatever reason, please know I love you and it is not time for me to let you use me as a punching bag for your pain, but I can love you all the same and at some point, I may have room for your host of unkind, unflattering, angry ideas about me. And I have, in all honesty, a terrible habit lately of guarding myself and being so very quick to armor myself against anything I perceive as a personal attack that I fear I'm beginning to douse myself with Mo-repellent. I am entirely too interested in healing to be anything less than honest. Perhaps I will post this, perhaps I will not, either way it will be for me...and for anyone else for whom it might resonate. Because I have this idea that if we collectively pooled our innermost demons and fears at some point we would think that we're not even worthy to give them a voice. Some find me too emotional, too dramatic, too this too that, all of it with negative undertones. I happen to feel I'm a bit of all of the above as well. But at this point, I accept that it's just some of the parts that make up me and I, for better or for worse, am taking this journey with about as much fear and love as anyone else and I have times of total and complete peace, which I wouldn't have if I didn't acknowledge the opposite and, to be honest, I didn't love. I couldn't trade any of it. To some I'm a basket case, to some I'm a pillar of strength. I see myself as both and am trying to fit an acceptance for all of it into my little breath of space. But as for you, and you and you...you are loved. I spend a great deal of my time thinking about the people who have touched my life in one way or another. None of you undeserving of love, whether I feel you've "got" me or not...which hasn't always been the case.
I've had a great deal of alone time with myself and my thoughts the last while and it's always unsettling because my mind doesn't shut off and it's not always a pleasant thing to have too much open space on my hands (and yes, alone time CAN include an incredibly busy, chore and children filled life) and it doesn't always fare in a pleasant manner for those that live with me. But I have to figure myself out somehow. And I am 1000% committed to loving myself and you in total, accepting, blissful charity.